no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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