just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
