A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
