If i come over, it means nothing
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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