im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
