I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
