you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
