so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
