I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize