that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
