It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
