Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
