On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
