she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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