At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
