nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
