Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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