We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
