oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
