you're like a bully in the Christmas story
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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