It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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