No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
