Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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