dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
