doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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