Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
