Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
