Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
