im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
