Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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