I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
