And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
