so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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