I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
