I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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