I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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