Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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