tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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