I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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