I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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