so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
