bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
