so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize