NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
