you guys were way drunker than both of me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
