Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
