even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
