Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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