Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is the high leading the old right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
