I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
