he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
