ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
