Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
