what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize