I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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