just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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