I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
