remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ttyl tear gas
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
