I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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