if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
