Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
