Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
