remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
