thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
