I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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