I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
