I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
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