there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
