i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
