Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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