don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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