Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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