Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
