I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
